Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Threadbare Geek #3

Summer is Coming...  So Cowabunga Dude.

That's right! It is time to bear a little more pasty skin as you leave the keyboard for the surfboard. Who are we kidding? We don't surf; we get drunk in the sun. So to keep yourself legit this year I am going to lay down the basics when it come to guy's swimwear.

When it comes right down to it you are trying to avoid looking like either one of these guys. First things first, you are going to have to be real with yourself and your body because that is half of the trick to finding the right fit. That does not mean you should be freaking out about what you look like, because trust me, no one is really going to grief you, especially since most other people are feeling uncomfortable in swim wear too. Except male models.

Personally I am a fan of simple patterns or solid colors, but you are entitled to your own preference as long as it isn't day-glow. Really, the nuts and bolts will be the length of the cut. Here is the simplest way to put it; the shorter you are the shorter the trunks you need. I am not trying to get you in a European man-kini; though if you have the body for it bless you, feel free to wear that with pride, and remember to invite us all over to eat sushi off your sick abs. The opposite will also hold true; as the longer your body is, the lengthier the shorts you need. The basic reason for this is simple: When wearing shorter trunks your body appears longer. Now, when you are a lanky kinda guy go for the longer thinner board shorts. Frankly, I like more fitted cuts of clothing and this applies to bathing suits too. You want it to be comfortable without drowning in an immense pair of trunks. To the right are a few basic examples of length from longest to shortest. I'm about six feet tall and I wear the length in the middle. As always you have to take into account what it really looks like on you, so I suggest using the buddy system. That way you don't drown in a sea of poor choices from your folly alone.

Final note: under no circumstance wear a shirt to swim in. Unless you have like super sensitive skin or something. It just never looks good and clings to your body drawing a lot more attention. Bring a tank top, tee, or linen shirt to the beach or the pool with but not into the water. Trust me on this-as a former chubby guy.
Surfs up dudes.

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